Nenita
I am a female in my early 20s. My issue is that some of my female family members are toxic. I'm sure a lot of people have this problem, but I need advice as to how to deal with them. Let me explain some of the stuff I'm dealing with so you can get a better idea. I have issues with 3 females, my mom, her older sister, and her older sisters daughter. I have other female aunts and cousins but they tend to keep to themselves and don't partake in drama. My moms sisters daughter, is almost twice my age, and has grown kids of her own. She used to smoke crack but shes been clean for a few years. She just hates me, plain and simple. She's not my favorite person, but I've tried being nice. I've bought her birthday gifts and went to her birthday party, etc. I am not entirely sure why she hates me, it started when I was a teenager. Frankly, I think she resents me and is envious of me. I don't want to sound conceited, but my life (so far) has gone much smoother and positive that hers did. I have no kids, I have a good relationship with my boyfriend, we have a nice apartment, and most recently I got signed to a reputable modeling agency in my area. It isn't a huge famous agency, but I'm still excited. But my cousin however, she had drug problems, she never started college because she got pregnant when she was 18 and kept having kids till age 37. She lives in the same house she moved into when she was 18, a house her dad payed for. She treats her husband and her kids badly, in my opinion. Anyways, you can tell she really doesn't like her life. So she takes it out on other people, like me. The last time we spoke, I was trying to leave my aunts house when she opened my car door, started screaming cuss words at me, saying that I am a little b*tch and everyone hates me, that I do not love my mother, and she just kept spouting off all this rude stuff. After yelling at her for a bit, I decided it wasn't worth it, and I drove off. It saddens me that a 40 year old acts like a 16 year old, to a 22 year old. Then there's her mother, my aunt. She doesn't really hate me, but she resents me a little as well, I think for similar reasons. Also, she is constantly making condescending and negative comments. She isn't as bad as her daughter, but she does seem to always feel the need to "be right" and prove people wrong. Especially ME, for some reason. You can tell by her statements that she is trying to make others feel inferior, whether she realizes it or not. It is never constructive criticism, its always a snide, smarta** remark. Her and my mom hang out together, so they gossip about people. In my opinion, my aunts negativity rubs off on my mom. My mom is already an emotional person, she lets EVERYTHING get to her. She is crying about something every day, she doesn't even understand what I mean when I tell her to think positive and remove the negative thoughts from her mind. She thinks I'm being mean and insensitive, and then she guilt trips me. When all I am trying to do, is get her to stay positive. Then when she gets together with my aunt, the drama and negativity just compounds. My moms emotional, co dependent nature latches onto my aunts controlling obsessive nature. I really feel like their relationship is toxic. So all of this, gets transferred to me in various ways. Whether its condescending, snide comments on Facebook from my aunt or cousin, or my mom calling me 3 times a day to cry about something, It is EXHAUSTING. How can I deal with this? I know I can't change them, so how can I change the way I deal with things so they wont effect me as much??
Answer
Just don't be around them more than you can help. When they say or do something mean to you, just smile and say, "I sorry you feel that way" or "I hope you feel better."
Unfriend on FB anyone who isn't friendly! Duh!
Be supportive of your mom by trying to get her in a better frame of mind. Give her positive thinking books to read. Refuse to listen to he being negative. Tell her to just write all her negative things down, tear up the paper, and flush it down the toilet of but it in the garbage. Help her plan a healthy life style also. Of course, if she want cooperate, you really can't do anything but keep being positive and telling her you hope she will get better.
Personally, I like "How's that working out for you?" for a questions that helps other redirect.
I also tell people i will pray for them and I do it. I am not sure whether they will accept the help they might get from that but it helps me.
Nobody can make you feel bad without your permission.
You change the way you deal with things by doing what you know is right. Dwell on what is beautiful and healthy. Exercise,eat, pray,and meditate in ways that work for you.
You can't stop the birds from flying over your head, but you don't have to let them nest in your hair, And if while flying over they happen to drop a little s--- on you, a nice shampoo will fix it.
Just don't be around them more than you can help. When they say or do something mean to you, just smile and say, "I sorry you feel that way" or "I hope you feel better."
Unfriend on FB anyone who isn't friendly! Duh!
Be supportive of your mom by trying to get her in a better frame of mind. Give her positive thinking books to read. Refuse to listen to he being negative. Tell her to just write all her negative things down, tear up the paper, and flush it down the toilet of but it in the garbage. Help her plan a healthy life style also. Of course, if she want cooperate, you really can't do anything but keep being positive and telling her you hope she will get better.
Personally, I like "How's that working out for you?" for a questions that helps other redirect.
I also tell people i will pray for them and I do it. I am not sure whether they will accept the help they might get from that but it helps me.
Nobody can make you feel bad without your permission.
You change the way you deal with things by doing what you know is right. Dwell on what is beautiful and healthy. Exercise,eat, pray,and meditate in ways that work for you.
You can't stop the birds from flying over your head, but you don't have to let them nest in your hair, And if while flying over they happen to drop a little s--- on you, a nice shampoo will fix it.
My best friend turn's 40 this week (Female)I need idea's for a birthday gift?
Q. She is married and has a six year old. We've been friend's for 22 year's.
Answer
A spa day or a day at her beauty shop to get her hair done, nails, etc would be good.Most salons offer a package deal for things like that. A gift card to one of her favorite stores is always good too, that way you don't buy her anything she doesn't like and she can get what she wants, right size, color etc. A great card is a must have. She will like anything you give her because she will know that it came from your heart and your her best friend.Good luck!
A spa day or a day at her beauty shop to get her hair done, nails, etc would be good.Most salons offer a package deal for things like that. A gift card to one of her favorite stores is always good too, that way you don't buy her anything she doesn't like and she can get what she wants, right size, color etc. A great card is a must have. She will like anything you give her because she will know that it came from your heart and your her best friend.Good luck!
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